Anxiety has a bad reputation, and most people who feel anxious see themselves in a dark valley and as failures. Many of us think that we shouldn’t feel anxious because there is no point in worrying.
I used to feel terrible about my anxiety because I believed all that negative talk about unpleasant emotions. As a result, I lived with an emotional trauma for 29 years.
Since I learned some fantastic skills to deal with those unpleasant emotions constructively I have not just recovered from the trauma; I also found purpose by finding my identity in the process.
How to relieve anxiety
The truth is, nothing we feel is wrong or harmful. Our emotions and feelings are valuable calls to action. I even describe them as signposts to my identity and purpose.
Anxiety is firstly a loss reaction – a physical preparation state. It calls you to stop what you are doing and evaluate your resources. And that is where its value lies. Instead of trying to get rid of the feeling, embrace it and pause. Don’t just hide but find a place where you can think without much interruption.
Make a detailed list of answers to the following questions:
- What are you anxious about?
- What are you afraid of losing?
- What have you lost already?
The resulting list gives you a detailed insight into your anxiety. All the things you entered are things you value. And because you value them, they are losses to you, and therefore require grief.
Part of constructive grieving is to recover and minimise losses. Therefore categorise your list into ‘controllable’ and ‘uncontrollable’.
For each loss, ask yourself:
- Is there anything I can do about this loss?
- Do I have the resources to recover this? If not, can I learn something that enables me to recover the loss later?
- Can someone help me with that?
- Do I have to speak to someone?
Ask more questions like that. You will quickly see, not everything is lost, and there are preventive actions you can take. Start with the easiest that you are confident of achieving. Actioning an easy one often results in resolving a few others in the process. That will free up emotional energy otherwise lost to your anxiety.
Remember, feeling anxious is ok. It just means that something you value is under threat.
And if you need help with that, then contact me, and I’ll teach you the skills to deal with your emotions constructively.
