Over the last few months, I noticed more and more searches for conflict avoidance training. And when I speak to people about conflict, a typical response is ‘I avoid conflict like hell’.
If you fall into that category, then I want to confront you with this quote by Cheryl Richardson: “If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.” Now, let me ask you: have you ever succeeded in keeping the peace by avoiding the conflict? Or have you, as the quote suggests, moved the battlefield inside yourself?
Conflict is fundamentally relational. Avoiding that aspect creates a far worse issue – a war of assumptions inside your mind and heart. That war keeps distorting and eventually destroying the excellent image you ones had about the other person. Over time it becomes harder to restore the relationship until it feels impossible.
I had to learn that what I assume people think about me is hardly ever what they believe. I began to see that my assumptions about what others think are reflections of my lack of self-esteem and self-acceptance.
The truth was that most people valued me. Yet, I felt worthless and therefore thought others think I am. Let me challenge you to take responsibility for your thinking. Don’t let your mind tell you what others might think but acknowledge that it is what you think! And work on your broken heart that triggers the thoughts!
How? A happy life is about living into your values with purpose. And well-handled conflicts can help you discover your values and purpose as well as the other person’s. Conflicts are opportunities to thrive and grow together. So don’t avoid conflicts but take advantage of them. Instead of looking for conflict avoidance training, I suggest you look for conflict training that teaches you the emotional skills to deal with conflict.
