Psychologically safe language is a cornerstone of effective workplace resilience training. Without the right communication tools, even well-intentioned leaders can unintentionally cause emotional harm, particularly when supporting staff through secondary trauma and high-pressure situations.
At Eyes Up Training, we specialise in equipping leaders and teams with emotion skills and systemic thinking to create resilient, psychologically safe workplace cultures. In this article, we explore how language—when used with precision and care—can validate emotions, promote healing, and strengthen team dynamics.
Understanding and Validating Emotions Without Invalidation
During a recent leadership coaching session with an emergency services leader, I highlighted the value of emotional validation. They replied, “When someone comes to me and struggles with guilt after an incident, I tell them I understand how they feel and reassure them they’ve done nothing wrong.”
While the intention was kind, the language used was not emotionally safe, a common issue among leaders lacking trauma-informed communication training.
“I Understand How You Feel” Is Not Always Safe
For years, I said this phrase myself. But true empathy requires more than assumption. Our emotions are shaped by a complex web of personal values, workplace systems, cultural influences, and internal states. No one can fully grasp someone else’s emotional reality.
At Eyes Up Training, we teach leaders to first ask:
- “How do you feel?” and then to actively listen. We use emotion cards in our training programmes to help participants explore and articulate their feelings, adding a kinesthetic and reflective layer that brings emotional chaos into focus.
- Instead of projecting understanding, we recommend this approach:
“This is your pattern of emotions, and those feelings are completely okay.” This emotionally safe response validates experience without assumptions and fosters psychological safety in the workplace.
Well-Meaning Phrases Can Invalidate
Phrases like “You’ve done nothing wrong” or “Don’t beat yourself up” can be invalidating even when meant to comfort. The reason? Our emotions are value-driven, not solely triggered by events.
For example, guilt often signals a value conflict. These values are linked to various systems—family, workplace, social norms—beyond the situation at hand. Dismissing those emotions, even subtly, risks dismissing the person’s core values and identity.
When leaders respond only to the visible incident, they miss the broader emotional context. This disconnect can undermine resilience, rather than build it.
Learning from Guilt, Not Shaming It
If this article resonates with you and stirs guilt, that’s not a sign of failure; it’s a signal for growth. Guilt can carry a healthy message:
“What can I learn to do better next time?”
Many of us unconsciously model what society presents as “normal.” But as Gabor Maté says in The Myth of Normal, our norms are often unhealthy defaults. That’s why it’s critical to actively build emotionally intelligent leadership skills.
A recent Learning & Development manager told me their managers are expected to review KPIs, conduct well-being check-ins, and offer coaching in 1:1s, but only KPIs were happening. Why? Because those leaders lack systemic thinking and emotion skills, and psychologically safe coaching tools and language.
Developing Systemic Thinking and Emotion Skills: The Eyes Up Training Approach
At Eyes Up Training, our Workplace Resilience Training equips individuals, leaders, and teams with two transformative competencies:
1. Systemic Thinking for Human-Centered Leadership
Systemic thinking in leadership helps dismantle harmful labels and opens up understanding. Rather than reduce someone to a trait or behaviour, we encourage leaders to explore the interconnected systems shaping that person’s experiences.
Our brains crave patterns, but labels are limiting. By training your brain to view people in context and from the heart, you develop empathy, clarity, and the ability to support your team in a more strategic and relational manner.
2. Emotion Skills Based on Emotional Logic
Emotion skills development is the missing link in many leadership models. In our Western culture, we’re taught to dismiss or avoid emotions like anger, fear, shame, and guilt. But these emotions are vital signals, not signs of weakness.
Our Emotional Logic framework helps individuals:
- Reclaim confidence and authenticity
- Improve interpersonal communication
- Set boundaries without losing compassion
- Build emotional resilience from the heart up
Unlike mindset hacks that reinforce defensiveness, this approach restores relational leadership, where empathy, boundaries, and clear communication thrive together.
Create a Resilient, Human-Centered Workplace
Incorporating psychologically safe language into your culture is not just good practice; it’s essential for resilient leadership, especially in high-stakes or trauma-exposed environments.
At Eyes Up Training, we offer:
- Customised Workplace Resilience Training
- Trauma-informed Leadership Coaching
- Emotion Skills Workshops for Teams
- Strategic support for HR and L&D leaders
🔹 Ready to Transform Your Workplace Culture?
Visit https://eyesup.eu/contact to book a free demonstration of our tools and resources today.
