Our differences are not our enemies; quite the contrary is true. Our differences hold the potential to see the world from a far more complete perspective. Our differences hold manifold collective wisdom to adapt to the challenges that no individual or group can access alone. To not lose sight of the incredible potential and wisdom we collectively possess, we must resist the urge to be dragged into a polarised debate of worldviews. We must resist the urge to reduce our fight to just fighting against something like biases, racism, antisemitism, Islamophobia, homophobia, human trafficking, etc., while losing sight of what we really want to see.
What we want to see is humans connect from heart to heart. We want to help people see each other beyond the facade of culture, race, ethnicity, class, political affiliation, etc. because those things don’t define us. Our stories and experiences can also limit our ability to see others genuinely because we tend to filter the world through the lens of our experience and knowledge. Especially when we don’t know ourselves and our values, our mind can create unreal realities from all the external information we try to make sense of. Lacking the internal information of our personal values, our mind uses our emotions as guides to choose our affiliation to the external value systems without realising that it invalidates everyone who is not affiliated with those systems. Our affiliation narrows our view to the system’s messages.
These narrow views are at the root of all our DEI challenges, and they exist across the whole spectrum of affiliations. If we really want to make a difference, we need to stop organising ourselves in camps that stand on opposite sides of the battlefield. No war ever ended with winners and losers—there are only losers. We lose friends, mothers, fathers, brothers and families. We also lose our minds, our identity, and our values. And we lose all the collective wisdom, knowledge, and perspective that we could have had if we would see each other as humans with values.
But how can we break this vicious cycle?
Laws and policies have not done much in that respect. Even retelling stories and raising awareness of similar historical events don’t seem to shift the narrative quickly and deeply enough. In Germany, for instance, where I grew up, we learned so much about the evil deeds of Nazism, yet Nazism is on the rise in Germany. Therefore, I question our approach to changing the narrative. The more I look at how we learn, the more I realise that we don’t learn through education, but through relationships.
Great families usually raise great children. Therapists who have a great relationship with their clients are more likely to make a real difference in the client’s life. It’s not the type of therapy that guarantees success; it is mostly the state of the relationship. The same is true with teachers. Teachers who have a great relationship with their students are more likely to impact the developing lives of their students than those teachers who know everything about their subject.
And the same is true for you leaders. No training in the world will break down those affiliation barriers easily. Sending them to all kinds of awareness training won’t reach deep enough. But you, the leader, can be that changing influence simply by establishing a genuine relationship that cares for more than just KPIs and correct behaviour.
How can we become such relational and positive influences?
To become a positive influence, we need to develop emotional intelligence within ourselves first. Behavioural change should not be our focus, rather we should invest our energy in building a deep and meaningful relationship with ourselves by exploring our hearts, especially the dark places within us. Our emotions can help us with that. If we don’t know where to start, we can seek the help of a coach or mentor who can guide us without judging us. Just make sure you choose someone who has walked the path and displays in their lives what you want to achieve.
This process will help us gain clarity about our values, which will have multiple benefits. Firstly, we will relate to different systems while understanding where they align or not with our values. Secondly, we will become less defensive and more secure in our values, which will give us the stability to guide and support others to explore their inner world without fearing repercussions. Thirdly, we will become more curious about others, seeking to understand their unique perspectives and values. This will help us see the world with their eyes and uncover the collective wisdom hidden within our team.
In conclusion, building genuine relationships with ourselves and others is the key to breaking the cycle of polarisation and fostering collective wisdom. By exploring our values and perspectives, we can become more open-minded, empathetic, and curious about others, leading to a deeper understanding and appreciation of our differences. Let’s encourage dialogue, not debate, and create a safe space for everyone to share their stories and experiences. Only then can we truly connect from heart to heart and make a positive impact on our communities and the world.
Interested in unlocking the power of diversity and fostering collective wisdom in your workplace? We offer interactive and engaging training programs to help you and your team develop emotional intelligence, build genuine relationships, and gain clarity about your values. Contact us today to learn more or schedule a free demo session of our training.
